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July 11th, 2007

A deeper respect

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My KH checked up on me today voicing concern in not hearing from me.  I thought I was communicating adequately by posting to this blog and checking in regularly to the keysafe site.  I felt that I should not be using the email channel in fear of being a pest.  I was wrong to assume that, because my KH voiced a concern that I had not been heard from for several days.

I quickly replied with a flurry of emails.  Although tonight, I feel a greater level of trust in my KH seeing the concern that was given towards my lack of communication.

Now... if I could just get out of this prison I find myself in.

July 10th, 2007

Tonight after dinner I got that uneasy feeling that things were not quite right in Denmark and I was afraid I would have to call a medical emergency.  This time however, I do not have the emergency keys to the safe so I was stuck.  I got home from dinner and got into my walking shoes and shorts and tended to matters down there.  I stretched a few things and readjusted the belt a bit and felt a wonderful sense of relief.  I must have been sitting wrong at dinner.  I went for my walk and contemplated the fact that my only quick out might just be a true medical emergency.  This kinda frigtened me if in fact I am not going to be let out for a looooong long time.  I'm not sure I want that so much.

I am also assigned with designing a Kali's Teeth Bracelet for the CS-100.  Not sure I would like that much either, however it might please my KH to no end.  All I can think of is retrofitting the tube with some small spikes at the end of the tube that would become a source of terror to an expanding penis.  I also thought of electrodes at the end of the tube that would send a jolt when an expanding penis touched the contact at the end of the tube.

Dinner tonight was Chinese... If you put the phrase "in bed" at the end of your fortune cookie you always get an interesting twist to the vanilla words of wisdom.  My fortune tonight:

"Dreams are extremely important.  You can't do it unless you imagine it." ..... in bed.

July 9th, 2007

Toward the end of my work day around 5:30 I had this uneasiness in the tube very much like when I develped a pressure sore from wearing the betl.  That was after 13 days in the belt.  Today is day 14.

I rushed home quickly (my commute is less than 5 minutes) and performed a quick inspection on the parts that I stll have control over and found that my problem was within the tube... much like last time.  Using my squirt bottle for irrigation purposes, I washed down the parts I could get too and flushed the tube with lukewarm water.  I then applied a generous daub of baby gel lotion to the inside of the tube and I must report that I have had no bad sensations since I did that.  I went out to dinner and lusted over the cute bar maids telling them I was in no rush.

What a relief!  Now I have to wonder how long can I go in the belt if I continue to have good luck keeping the hygiene up and tender parts from getting sore.  I really would like to go back to having regular orgasms now.

I sure would like to get out of the belt for a day or so - perhaps a week????? and have a real nice substantial mind blowing earth shattering orgasm.  I keep  thinking back to some of the better ones I have had and the daily "eye candy" (re: porn) is driving me into a frantic state.... I must stop downloading that stuff.  All for now....  I guess tonight's time on cam for my KH was trumped by the fact that I was milked last night.  I was online at 6 EST with the cam ready just in case.  

The juices from last night, however, are currently being held in the refrigerator - I guess for a later time.

PP (wanting relief)

July 8th, 2007

A few stolen hours...

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This is more for my KH than anyone.... I got tempted by the Forced Femme muse and took an hour or so and changed into my Femme self.  The photo shoot is almost ready for the world and the first photo is posted to my Yahoo profile.  You will need to follow the link.

PP

July 7th, 2007

I was released today for a few hours to do some maintenance on the belt.  I actually shortened the waist portion of the belt to fit a more trimmed down version of the same old self.  The security of the chastity belt was in jeopardy if the belt had not been tightened.  I also did a check of the equipment and other than a minor abrasion, treated with some antibiotic cream and more baby gel, everything was ok.

I was a bit rushed in that I was released around 10:30 am and I had just received a call from the carpet guy who was coming over within the half hour.  An hour passed and then he showed up and I had to spend time with him measuring the floors downstairs.  And then he wanted to chat.  Before long it was 11:50 and I only had until 1:00 to make the revision to the belt, get it back on, and lock the keys in the safe.

I rushed off to the workshop at work, drilled a new hole, cut the steel and polished it.  I got home around 12:30, did a little doctoring and thought strongly about pleasuring myself.  Before I could do that I had one more chore to do downstairs and then thought of the words from my Mistress "And at no time will you ever ask, beg or plead for a release or any stimulation."  Without any sort of approval to have an orgasm, I thought better of it and locked the belt on, and locked the keys in the safe.  I then checked in with the website to document everything and had about 10 minutes to spare.   All afternoon, I have been kicking myself for not having a little taste of pleasure - but then again, would I have suffered more later for stealing one?

PP

July 6th, 2007

(no subject)

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Panic Panic

I have been told I can leave the belt tomorrow to shorten the waist band due to the weight loss.  Lengthening the belt will not be an option  after this modification which implies the  weight loss must be sustainable - which I think it is.  It will be a great motivator to remain slim if the belt is tightend irreversibly.

The panic set in tonight when I received  a message that I had a keypad unlock number of 38886473 that would open the safe and give me access to the keys.  I have until 1 PM saturday 7/7/07 (my lucky day) to open the safe, make adjustments to the steel belt part and get the keys back in the safe. 

I thought I would have time to do a thorough cleaning of the tube and parts before going back in.  Check things out ya know.

The dilemma comes in that the keypad is not enabled to unlock the safe and the fact that the number 3 and 4 on the keypad are non functional.   I am freakin out tonight.  I am sending missives to my KH.  I will wait and hope that tomorrow all is OK... if not I am in pretty good shape to continue.  It would be convenient to drill a new hole in the belt for the slimmer waistline and to glue the silicone liner onto the belt at this time.  Whatever happens will happen.  I would certainly be safer from un-authorized orgasmic delights if I did tighten the security of the bel

I was soooooo looking forward to being out of the belt for just a few hours....It almost seemed too good to be true.  Freedom.  A few good wankings and back in the belt.  I was fantasizing about what would be required for me to go back into the belt without any chance of wanking in between.... then that would have be "topping from the bottom" on my part.  I will take every advantage given to me.

On the good side... Ihave had no problems in the last 12 days with the belt.  I am pro-active with the baby skin products and have had no problems like I had last time with unrine burns and chafing.  I am compeletly comfortable at the present time except for the extreme horniness I feel and can do nothing about.

I am hoping I see the release of the keys in the morning.  I will procede to modify the belt to make it even more secure and lock it to my body and the place the keys back in the safe to continue the journey.

Pictures???

July 5th, 2007

Doing OK

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I am OK.. doing fine.  No problems with the belt other than it is gettting too loose to offer complete security.  I am honoring the chastity period, howerver temptation is growing.

I reviewed movie number two... I will be looking forward to Mondays On-Cam time.

PP

July 4th, 2007

Panic

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Panic has set in!!!
I am having a panic attack and I am struggling with the imaginary thoughts about NEVER being released and this is causing me great apprehension.... to the point of panic......

calm down...

calm down

calm down

go into sub space and stay there and breath calmly...calmly...ooooohhh  sigh.

(no subject)

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I have decided that you will spend the 4th of July just staring at my picture, and thinking of why you are locked up with no control at all over your sex.  You will then spend an hour writing these thoughts down and sending them to me.

When the time is appropriate, I am sure you will release the keys.  I will wait.

You do not know how many hours I have gone to the keysite and stared at your picture… it helped me make the very big decision in handing my keys over to you.  It is the first vision I have in the morning and the last vision I have at night.  Without your directive I have the following dilemma:  If I am not in the belt I spill my sperm needlessly and ignore my obligations.  As you know, when I am in the belt I tend to honor my commitment and perform.  When I am free, I still long to be controlled by you yet tend to be slack in my duties.

As I wrote earlier, being submissive is a huge turn-on.   Submitting my ability to experience sexual satisfaction is the most intimately submissive act I can imagine.  My submission to you fulfills a deep yearning within my being that I cannot explain

With you in control, you control my self pleasuring.  By Experimenting with the chastity belt, I have now found a whole new world into my sexuality.  When I can please someone before receiving pleasure and to expect nothing in return for giving the ultimate pleasure has a real WOW factor.  Each day builds the excitement between my legs and ultimately it keeps the hope alive that there is always a “next time” where it might be my turn.

 

Having you control the pleasure I could possibly receive makes me want to give and give and give.  Your torments only increase this desire to give more.  This may sound strange but I feed off of the denial you can provide.

Currently I am at day Eight and I have never felt as horny as I have right now, even with a record 67 days of lockup.  This is incredible and I do not know why.   Maybe it is because for the first time I do not have any access to any emergency exit from the belt short of destroying it.  I am totally dependant on you for release.  Having the E-keys in the safe is horribly erotic.  I am completely at your mercy.  Hoping that the 4th would have been a night out and then having that thought dashed is keeping me very hard and excited…being able to "save up." for the next time is wonderful… I want you to push me as far as possible.  



How I wish I could squeeze your balls in my hand until you cry in happiness for me touching you.  Or maybe you would prefer for me to tie you to the bed and mount you while you are still locked in chastity, and feel me fuck that steel tube instead of your dick. 

I have always had the fantasy of someone tying me down and being tormented.  To be tied down while constrained in my belt and then being teased by someone fucking the metal tube would be pure bliss.  Causing me pain at the same time by tightly squeezing my balls would be the most exquisite pain imaginable.  Two very powerful images I am processing at the same time have caused me to fill this damn metal prison of mine again.  The thought of experiencing both pain and pleasure at the same time is almost causing me to well up in tears right now.  I would be weeping in happiness for you if became reality

I need to be controlled.  If left unfettered I would ignore you devoting my energy and thoughts to my penis. The gratification would be fleeting and unfulfilling on my part and you would end up being ignored.  This way, by me being imprisoned, those energy channels are yours to enjoy, accept and control.  I would assume this exchange of energy is something you are enjoying and cherishing as much as I am enjoying  giving it to you.  The deeper I go into submissiveness, I would hope you rise in assertiveness and dominance.

 

Think of why you are locked up with no control at all over your sex.

 

I chose to be locked up.  I did it of my own free will by putting the keys (along with the E-keys) in the safe and locking the door.  I must be controlled in this fashion because of my masturbatory habits I acquired at puberty and the fact that I have no self control over this aspect of my life.  Although it is very frustrating not to have control over my sex, I accept the fact that I cannot have that control in MY hands if I want to explore my sexuality and my submissiveness entirely.

 

Confinement and the feeling of being on edge is very exciting.  Maybe tooooo much so.  But the horniness factor is quite fun if kept unsatisfied.  The fact that I cannot make love to a woman with my penis is also intriguing.  I have become much more adept at oral stimulation and more in tune with the tactile sensation of my hands, tongue, body and eyelids…. I have found flicking my eyelashes on my partners nipples can be quite the treat.

 

Much like a blind person transitions the sense of sight to other senses, I believe the erotic sensations of the stroked penis are being transferred to other erogenous zones.  Without the ability to touch my member, I find that my nipples are much more sensitive to the slightest sensation, my belly button can cause me to gasp in almost pre orgasmic delight and then there are the wonderful sensations cause by playing with my anus, prostate and seminal ducts.  Having a milking experience with or with out an anal orgasm is worth the lock up.  Without being locked up I would never have experienced anal orgasms.  Being locked up, I look forward to them.

 

When I am locked up I am much more sensual.  I like to explore the feminine side of my being.  I believe gender is a continuum from female to male and very few people get to explore all aspects.  I am one of those lucky few.  If I am forced to one end of the spectrum while locked up it triggers great excitement.  For example – The CS100 causes a great bulge in my pants…. Throw on a thong and I become an extremely well hung stud ready to take on the world.  Confine my penis by tucking it into a tight panty girdle with matching panties, bra, stockings, heels, makeup and a sexy dress makes me very vulnerable.  Both ends of the spectrum can be experienced with great delight.  I prefer the feminine side a lot.

 

The entire time I want you to think about the stud that I will have with me, the entire day, fucking and cuddling, and caressing each others naked bodies, and then having my girlfriends husband who is being trained as a cuckold eat me out with all my studs hot creamy cum in my pussy and my ass.  And then I want to hear a voice recording thanking me for keeping you locked up and telling me why you need to kept control of. 

 

I was thrilled with the fact that you are sharing my chastity experience with your stud and girlfriends.  Until now, I believed that my chastity and the experience with you were kept private.  It excites me that you have increased the circle to include your girlfriends and possibly a man.   WOW.  I could think of numerous fantasies where I would be in the orgy of naked bodies, fucking and cuddling and caressing scenarios with cream filled pussy and naked asses.

 

The voice recording will be a reading of this file and I will send it to you…  A transcript will be posted on the blog site file.

 

Thank you for keeping me locked up – I need the control you provide and for all of the reasons I have just mentioned.  Of course you know that I am very much frustrated wearing the chastity belt, however,  I want you to know that I abide by your determination into what is correct or appropriate for me.

Each day I become more proud to wear my CB under your direction.


July 2nd, 2007

reasons

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There was no posting last night because I kept my conversation private with my KH.  I gave all of the details to a movied I downloaded scene by scene and my excitement level... The fever pitch of the video may have killed this blog in the minds of the blog police... so it was for my KH's eyes only.

Tonight I viewed movie number two.... This is a torment I can scarcely endure.... but I have no choice.

I am negotiating a release to adjust the belt to a smaller waist size.  Having lost many pounds I need to cut the metal band and drill another hole in the belt therby trimming the waist dimension.  I am soooo happy having lost a bunch of pounds and I hope my KH will help control my waistline as well as my orgasms.

I am also taking a much more pro-active approach towards chafing and irritation within the belt.  Every morning I apply diaper rash ointment and gels to the the tube to alleviate the problems I had last time... so far everything is wonderful coming up to the one week mark and no problems to report.

PP

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